When You Fall Off Your Reiki Practice (and Start Believing You're Not Meant to Heal)

Do you do you ever come back to something that you know is good for you? Like something that made you feel whole, something that made you feel alive, something that made you come back to yourself and still feel ashamed or resistance or like and maybe it wasn't meant for you at all and you're playing a game of pretend. That's what we're talking about today. This is the healer's journey. I'm your host, Inge Broer, and today we're talking about the sneaky tender block that shows up when we've fallen off our self raiki practice.

So, the scenario is um maybe you are in your first Reiki one right now and you're doing your 21day self raiki practice. You've done day one, day two, day three, and eventually somewhere along the way, you stop a day, and then you need to stop another day, and then a third day, and then the inner actual blocks start to show up. So, on the surface, these blocks sound like something like, "I'm not really meant for this." Um, this is another thing that doesn't work. Am I imagining this? Is this even real?

Um, I'm just not cut out for this. I'm not disciplined enough, etc., etc., etc. So, that's what the block sounds like on the surface of it. But underneath there's another block. And that block is I don't deserve healing unless I do it perfectly. I don't deserve to heal unless I do the practice perfectly. I show up perfectly. I am perfect with my healer, whatever it is. And soon as I'm unperfect, as soon as I get a little wobbly in my quote unquote performance of the healing, I withdraw my right to heal and to receive universal love.

All right, my friends. It's time for me to get very real with you. I think you're coming to expect that from me. Um, I have been a Raiki practitioner for 15 years now. I've taught it for 10 years. I've probably taught Raiki one where I always teach and I always guide and I always hold my clients through a 21-day self-healing journey. And I would say at least 30% of those journeys I've held other people through, I've said to myself, this time I'm going to do it alongside them. quietly. You know, I'm not going to make it about me, but I'm going to do it, too.

And sometimes I do it one day, two days, three days, 4 days. Usually, I don't get past day four. And then all the sneaky stuff comes in. See, I'm such a fraud. Um, Reiki probably really isn't for me. There's a bit of shame, there's avoidance, there's embarrassment, there's learning not to set myself up for this failure anymore. just like own that I don't want to do this 21-day journey. And yet and yet and yet every single time I return to Reiki, it's there. It's open. It's waiting. It's non-judgmental.

And there's something really interesting about that that I want to talk about today. There's a part of me that wants Reiki to be a little bit mean with me if I don't show up for the practices. There's a part of me that wants external accountability from the Reiki itself. It wants drama. It wants me to make a big show about how sorry I am that I haven't showed up for my practice and see I've tortured myself so much. Would you please forgive me, dear Reiki? Except that is what I think subconsciously I play out in my relationships.

And when I show up as less than perfect and when I make a mistake, I'm learning to repair much quickly, much more quick quickly. But the default position is I will torture myself. I will take that little pain that I inflicted on someone else and I will multiply it 100fold and I will inflict it on myself. so that I feel like I can return to that relationship somehow with a dignity and my head hung really low in extreme penance so that person can forgive me. So, of course, I work extremely hard not to hurt anybody.

And therefore, if I'm getting irritable or if I'm getting um if I need something from a relationship that is not giving them giving me, I'm not going to express that. No, no, no. I'm going to hide. I'm going to go away and ghost. So, that's how it works in my relationships. Now, I've been thinking, what if Reiki is more of a relationship than it is a tool? Let me say that again. What if Reiki is more a relationship than it is a tool? What if your Reiki practice is more of a rewiring how you do relationship than it is a tool you use for your well-being?

Hear me out. If Reiki were a friend, and it were a friend that was always available right when you need them, completely full of unconditional love, works towards your healing, doesn't need you to repair with it, doesn't get hurt or upset by you showing up in any which way. How would you approach that relationship? And for me, and I'm rewiring this now, but for a long time, I feel like I would get annoyed at this friend. I would say like, "Grow a spy. I'm horrible. Can't you see that I am horrible?" And you must be hurt by how horrible I am and you must punish me in some way.

And Reiki will never do that. Raiki simply, "No, here's universal love. It streams through you. It's going to give you what you need." And so, for a long time, I didn't know what to do with that relationship. And I I didn't know I could want that kind of relationship, that I could benefit from that kind of relationship. And yet over the years, Reiki has still taught me over and over and over and over again. That it's okay to receive. It's safe to receive. That it's not that great having an identity built on the one who gives.

That receiving is equally, if not more important. Raiki has confronted me since I learned it. Because at the basis of it, the work isn't to earn Raiki's love and to be perfect or to perform the ritual in well enough way to convince it to come to you because you are a special chosen one. That is absolutely opposite of how this works. The work of Reiki is to let yourself receive it, to become willing to receive it, and that's it. And so when you show up in a way that is less than perfect or doesn't show up in your standards, Reiki isn't going to tell you, you need to repair with me.

No, you need to repair with yourself because you are the one stopping yourself from receiving love. You're the one turning off the faucet and saying, "Nope, I don't deserve love anymore. This is where it ends. This is where it stops." And we all do this to some degree. Well, not all of us, actually. I always have those students who are really diligent and really good at practicing it, and they love it. And I admire them, and I'm proud of them, and I learn from them. I learn from them every single time.

They just let themselves receive. No story, no anything. They let themselves receive and then they they heal. More parts of themselves come online. Um their intuition gets louder. They start taking action that is in line with their integrity more. Their relationships upgrade. And sometimes it's a little bit rocky and there's resistance and there's um discomfort, but they're not having this immense struggle with are they allowed to receive love because they simply practice it. They receive it again and again.

And when they fall off the wagon, quote unquote, when they stop, they simply start again. They become willing again. No big self torture required. So, let's return to the block. If I fell off the wagon, if I stop my practice, it must not be meant for me. And deeper than that, I don't deserve healing unless I do it perfectly. Healing isn't something we perform to my greatest dispute because I can perform well. I've there's one thing I learned in childhood, it was that it doesn't perfection. Doesn't require the perfect altar.

It doesn't require the perfect amount of time. It doesn't require any of that. It just requires our willingness, our openness to it. So I ask you right now, let's put this into practice. Are you right this moment, are you willing to receive universal healing love? Are you willing to let yourself be moved by that, transformed by that, possibly cracked open by that? And quite honestly, your answer might be no. And that is the most valuable, precious hearing of yourself that you can have because that is the real block.

That is where you're really pushing away healing and love. And so wherever you receive that no, if there is a no, can you get curious? Instead of believing a see it's not for me or see I'm a fraud or see I'm not courageous enough or see whatever it is. Instead, what happens if you get curious about that? No. No, I'm not really really really really really really open. I'm not really willing to receive a healing love because dot dot dot. So for me, there's still a whole bunch. Let me let me do this live with you.

No, I'm not really willing to let this love through because I'm afraid of what will happen if I allow myself to channel at a higher level. I'm afraid I will go crazy. I'm afraid I will turn out like somebody I know. No, I'm not really willing to let this love come through me cuz I'm afraid of feeling so much. Even if that feeling is love, I'm afraid that it will make me an unserious, unprofessional person. No, I'm not willing to receive universal healing love because I'm afraid it'll make me unrelatable, like I lose my ability to connect through my wounding.

So, those are the real blocks. What are yours? You don't have to tell me, but tell yourself, get honest. And then maybe together we can send some Reiki. We can ask for love to meet those places. What would happen? I'm getting curious. What would happen if love meets us in those places? What would happen if love met me in my fear of going crazy? And I hear a sentence in my head. It says, "It's just another level of intelligence to be locked, unlocked that you can choose what to do with. What if I let love meet me and my fear of feeling and being unprofessional and unserious?" And I feel it make a sensation in my heart.

It hurts a little bit. It's like something's cracking, like dry fascia sort of cracking open, having more room. And the insight I'm getting is to drink water. To drink more water, that that'll help. And of course, there's a thought people respond to you not because you're professional, serious. People respond to you for that feeling. So, here I am modeling a little bit that and I feel I feel much more open. I feel much more ready. I feel much more capable to allow the energy through. So I invite you to do the same.

Healing doesn't require perfection. It asks for presence and curiosity is one of your best tools. And every time you return, every time you start again, every time you make that reconnection after you've disconnected, that's how you build that relationship up with Reiki. That's how you do it justice. I've walked this path a long time and I have come to believe that the truest realest skill is not to stay connected all the time. It's to go back to connection after disconnection. And I've been hearing from clients lately that my presence just feels healing to them.

And I I think this has something to do with it. this unending practice of walking myself from disconnected to reconnected, from out of love to in love, and walking my clients from disconnected to reconnected over and over and over and over and over. So now I want to talk about the summer, the summer we're about to have. I'm I really have it on my heart to create a 21-day self-Reiki reset for us this summer. Um through this lens of we will meet resistance and we will meet it with curiosity and love.

And there's something that makes it so much easier to do it in a group with other people in a field in a relational field where your nervous system knows that it's somehow safer because it's not doing it alone. So of course you can start again at any time at any time whatsoever. And I have dug deep in my own experience of the challenge here of doing a 21-day self raiki um and created an offer here that meets every single level of it. Okay. So on the one hand I've created or I'm creating right now a lot of different meditations to support us.

So, um, it can be challenging when it's been a while. You've been attuned to Reiki and you can do self raiki, but to just to do it, it helps so much more when you have the support or the scaffolding of um, earbuds um, of having somebody guide you. So, I'm recording multiple different self raiki ones with different angles. one for like when it's been a while, another one to sort of expand your energy, one of them with a more of a focus to go in each of the chakras. Some 20 minutes long, some 10 minutes long, some 5 minutes long.

Uh the whole range. So that's one thing that I think will help. Another is um sometimes your relational situation with Reiki means like receiving more love is just like it feels like too much for your system and there's things happening in your energetic system and they need to move and they need to they need some kind of a different approach. That's where I will include and I will have a lot of other different um practices available. So things like calling your energy back, clearing your energy.

So that's what tends to happen for me on day four. On day four, often that like inner loving energy makes it clear to me that I'm going a little bit too fast, taking on a little bit too much, and I need to reenter and I need to really get close to what I want to create. And I'm doing I'm doing the self journey now. will do it. Well, no promises. I might continue doing it alongside you um starting June 23rd, but I'm getting us ready here by doing it myself. And I needed I needed my boundaries. And so having a practice that allows you to set your boundaries, allows you to communicate those boundaries, allows you to be in your own bubble, in your own energy and rest in there.

So healing, so life affirming. So there's going to be lots of practices like that for you to follow your own intuition. The people in my field are usually incredibly intelligent, incredibly intuitive, um, incredibly adventurous also in in their self-healing work. So, this is for you in mind. All right? You're not too complicated. You're not too complex. You can be held. Yeah. You're not too big to be held. You're not too complex to be seen, to be understood on top of that. So, that will be available for and who anybody anybody who wants I'll make that available for a 21 28 days so that for 28 days you have all these resources and your goal is to try to get to to 21 days within those 28 days but there's another reframe we're going to give you 28 days and you're just going to see how often can you do your Reiki and if you get to 14 that is a freaking incredible accomplishment if you get to Seven.

That's an accomplishment. It's incredible. Means you've rewired things that it could have taken a lifetime to rewire. Some people don't rewire at all. They stay the same from the daily like 27 till they're like 77. So, you have access to it 28 days for $1. Then there's a relational component. This is when you're in the course, there's other people doing it with you. You're in the room with other people and it just feels easier. So, I'm setting up a system where you're going to get voice notes from me.

You can ask all your Q&As's. There's a gentle accountability. Um, there's some extra journaling prompts for you to explore. Um, and other people. It's going to be a Telegram group and we might also do some group calls to really practice together and to feel that group energy. That is 88. And then if you really want the luxurious lush like let Reiki upgrade your whole energy system and your whole life, there's a third option. So you get the group option. And for those 28 days, you have me in your corner one-on-one on Telegram really walking alongside you providing even six different energetic interventions.

They might be intuitive readings where I'm reading your energy system, guiding you from there. Um, offering some some Reiki or some personalized energy work and some reatunements as well. That is 333. I really hope you'll join me. Um, we start June 23rd, right in time for Cancer season, which historically has been a really tough one for me, but I feel like this is the exact right thing that matches that energy. It's like we're coming home to ourselves. We're taking care of our energetic homes. We're um doing this internal love work, right?

The crab has like a hard shell and then a mushy center. So, we're really taking care of that mushy center here. Um, I really hope you'll join me. You can email, you can find me on Instagram @ i n g e h e a lsinga heels to um to ask me for the link through the DMs and get you registered. Um, and if you're not on Instagram, if you're catching this uh somewhere else, you can email me at ingraidediscovery.org. ing raikidiscovery.org. This has been the healer's journey. I'm your host, Inge Broer. I truly hope you'll join me on this journey.

The music has been by Lana Chakra, and I will see you in the next episode.